Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
