Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If I die, sorry about rent.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
