just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
