hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
