She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
