May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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