chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
