I will die if light touches me.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
