You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
