escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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