I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
