Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
