That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
