I wanna bring you to show and tell
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
