is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
