Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
