It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
not ubering you a puppy
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
