Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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