That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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