I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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