it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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