I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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