In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
