The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
