i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
