he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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