I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
