'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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