we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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