She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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