at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
