There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
