Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
