No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
