i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
