Got a toothbrush?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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