OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
