So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just google imaged poop.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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