My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
