I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
