So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
