found the other keg... it's in the tree
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
