There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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