my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
