you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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