You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
