Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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