Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
