I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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