It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have feelings that need drinking.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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