i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
