He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
