Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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