shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
