if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
