He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
