forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
