I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
