the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
